MWPP-My Way!
by ex-LongLongHair
Summary: Well, well, well. (three holes in the ground) Never mind. This definitely ISN'T what you think it is. Just read it, okay? The world might be a better place because you will...or perhaps not. So click on the title and read, dammit!


Disclaimer: All the characters belong to J

A/N: Be prepared for a long author's note. If you want to skip it, fine, but you'll miss some very important stuff!

Well, after many days (okay, about 5) of waiting for my computer to come back from the dungeon, I have finally got this thing back. I can only hope it works well enough to finish this.

First of all, I cut my hair. Hence, I am not LongLongHair anymore, but ex-LongLongHair. Okay? Now on with more about MWPP. (It isn't what you're thinking-this has {nearly} nothing to do with Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs)

Let me begin by saying that this used to be posted-a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…but then somewhere along the line they took it off, and then my hard drive was wiped (evil, evil dungeon!), so I didn't have it on file so I could restore it. Now, on a wet afternoon with nothing else to do except read and/or embroider my initials on my socks for camp, I have decided to re-write it to ensure that it will not get taken off FFN anytime soon.

This whole thing started off by my good buddy LongLongLegz asking me what MWPP stood for-back in the days when she didn't know. Well, I told her the real meaning, and that got me started thinking about what else it could mean-and here we are.

MWPP-Mostly Weird Predictions by Potter

Harry stared at the chicken guts spread over the table, and sighed. It was no use. All he could come up with was "You will meet a dark, handsome man" and "Tomorrow you will make your fortune". He picked up the teacup. It said the same things. Though…was that a club? Nah. Just the same as all the rest. How could he ever get the predictions for the rest of the next month?

Harry picked up his quill and doodled on his page. Ron, sitting at the next desk, was doing the same. How to get predictions? Make them up, copy Hermione's, try again with the chicken guts…make them up. Yes. That was the way to do it. Harry got out another sheet of parchment, and wrote his name at the top. Now, to the first day…

_On the first of the month I shall suddenly be surrounded by sinister presences._

So far, so good.

_On the second of the month, a giant swallow will drop a large, hairy inanimate object on my head._

_ _

Harry frowned. Not quite right, he thought. He scrubbed it out.

_On the second of the month, coconuts will fall from the heavens._

Yes. He brightened. Much better.

_On the third of the month, there will be a mass exodus from our studies._

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Harry smiled. He didn't mention what class it was, but he knew which one he'd be walking out of.

_On the fourth of the month, I shall be struck down by lightning._

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_On the fifth of the month, my friends shall leave me for a better cause, leaving me behind in a castle filled with tap-dancing knights and sequinned vests._

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A little frightening, that one, but then, Trelawney _liked_ this kind of stuff.

_On the sixth of the month, the sky will crash down among our feet._

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_On the seventh of the month, pigs, elephants and other large animals will fly_

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_On the eighth of the month, I will get large…tracts of land after marrying some girl._

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_On the ninth of the month, a spectre of the past shall jump up and attach itself to my cloak_

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_On the tenth of the month, there shall be three spirits taking the last train of the day to the coast._

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_On the eleventh of the month, a sign will reveal the presence of a superior being_

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_On the twelfth of the month, my true love shall come to me._

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_On the thirteenth of the month, there will be thunderstorms clearing to a light drizzle with a north-easterly wind, freshening to the south, with an overnight low of 12 and a top of 19._

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_On the fourteenth of the month, 3 swallows bearing coconuts will defecate on my best friend's head._

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_On the fifteenth of the month, nobody will expect the Spanish Inquisition-seeing as it is a Sunday, and all._

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_On the sixteenth of the month, I shall be sent to cut down a tree with a herring._

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_On the seventeenth of the month, I shall fall to an untimely death when I fly among the Snidgets._

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_On the eighteenth of the month, I will be swallowed by a giant electric eel, and, after withstanding the gastric juices, electricity and other menaces residing in it's interior, will come out the other end to be attacked by a human-shark._

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_On the nineteenth of the month, the news I am not dreading will be told to me in such a way that I will immediately die._

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_On the twentieth of the month, the birds will sing, the bees will buzz, and a dear friend will be murdered._

Harry shuddered. He hoped these things wouldn't come true.

_On the twenty-first of the month, a respected teacher will be disgraced._

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_On the twenty-second of the month, the apocalypse will come, decide it doesn't want to stay, then it will attack the Vogons._

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Harry looked at the page. Did he really write these things? They seemed to be coming out by themselves. He didn't even _know_ what a Vogon was.

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_On the twenty-third of the month, a two-headed man will approach me with a large bunch of flowers._

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_On the twenty-fourth of the month, Loretta-_

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Harry frowned. Who was Loretta? He shrugged and kept going.

_On the twenty-fourth of the month, Loretta will discover she is pregnant, and the baby will come to no good._

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_On the twenty-fifth of the month, a star will shine brightly, having just exploded. It will then suck the rest of the universe into itself, causing destruction on a universe-wide level._

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_On the twenty-sixth of the month, many boxes containing butterbeer and chocolate will be found outside our portrait hole. Dementors will follow soon after._

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"What the hell?" Harry whispered. Something weird was going on.

_On the twenty-seventh, the dogs will be let out. A particularly large black one will jump on my chest and nearly drown me in its slobber. Then, after narrowly escaping it, I shall fall into a large chasm._

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_On the twenty-eighth of the month, nice men in white coats will come to take me away. Hopefully I won't die._

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_On the twenty-ninth of the month, nothing particularly interesting will befall me, apart from the accosting I will get from a fair-haired boy with stone grey eyes._

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"Okay then." Harry muttered to himself. These predictions _were_ writing themselves, and they were really weird, too.

_On the thirtieth of the month, I will find myself trapped in a cold, dank dungeon with musty drapes and tacky lighting._

_ _

"All done." Harry said, as he yawned and stretched. Divination wasn't all that hard, once you put your mind to it. He looked down at the page. Underneath the thirtieth, there was one more prediction. For the thirty-first. In his own handwriting.

_On the thirty-first of the month, bad things shall happen._

_ _

"There isn't even a thirty-first next month, November's only got thirty days!" he laughed, as he packed up his stuff. Someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, expecting to see Ron or Hermione.

"Hello there Harry. Everything okay?" A black cloaked figure said in a whisper, holding up a little black box on a tripod.

"Arrgh!" Harry jumped back and knocked the table. He could hear the inkpot rattling behind him.

Colin Creevey pulled off the hood. "All right, Harry?" he asked, looking at Harry questioningly.

"Uh, y-yes. Everything's o-okay." Harry stammered, quickly edged around the table, then ran off up the stairs.

Colin sighed. It was _so _hard to talk to Harry these days. And all he wanted was a photo.

A/N: I'm sure this isn't as good as the original. Now, I shall leave you with a command of: REVIEW!! This is for two purposes-so I know who's been reading my fics, so I know what you think of it and what I should do next time. Three purposes-this is for three purposes-so I know who's been reading my fics, I know what you think of it, what I should do next time, and whether or not this is better than the original one. Four purposes! Okay, I'll leave it at four. Fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope! Whoops, wrong thing. Well, I'll leave you know to get on with it. Go on, before the evil man hiding behind the curtain gets you!


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